Quote of the year from Liam: "SpongeBob SquarePants is a mental, full-of-beans sponge. He's mad for it."
Boris Johnson: the aftermath
Well at least we know where to move - my hometown oxford! Not a single tory seat in the house. They would burn boz at the stake
Oh no! Gah! How did this happen? I should've voted! This is horrible news. Plus, he's so smug and ugly! x
Ah fuck them. Might leave London til sanity prevails. At the minute I just want the entire fucking city to die in a nuclear attack.
Fucking hell. Did he win? I'm in Sheffield. I'm staying here. x
Hmm, so you're leaving london, right?
Oh fuck you, London. You deserve what you're gonna get. I might move back to Canterbury for the next four years.
Oh fucksocks. I vote we ban democracy 
Oh motherfucker. Was it even close?
Shit. I can guess what that means x
Election Day Special. And if Boris Johnson gets in, I blame you, Peter J
Fuck me did you see how many nationalist parties were on these ballot forms?! Fucking scary.
Who should i go for? I'm not even sure if i'm allowed to vote since i'm a dirty, job stealing immigrant x
Yeah i've voted. Boris and bnp. Let's move this country back into the dark ages!
everyone wants to vote boris for the lol factor. Ha my friend has now changed to wantin to vote bnp. ! X
Who are you and how do i hose down the elephants?
Recent gubbins
That reads like a short poem. It has a lovely lyrical quality about it. An impressive achievement for half nine xx
If I don't text you in an hour i might be dead and you should call the cops.
I don't think I have a Denny equivalent in my life
There's always a bigger fish
Elvis was fascinated by spoon-bending. He arranged to meet me in a caravan outside Vegas. I bent a spoon for him & it freaked him out. Very soon after, he died.
The sonic screwdriver may have some surrogate phallus overtones. However you world know better weather that would be welcome or not. Baby faced jo is married now. Obviously.
Just saw Jackie Tyler in Wimbledon. She was telling her son off in HMV. Then, as if by magic, she disappeared.
Some people are trying to read!
Stop playing terrible music!